WWE Raw results, recap, reactions (Mar. 18, 2019): This is fine

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Ohhhhh Dana Brooke. You poor thing.

“I’m not naïve.”

UH ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

After confronting Ronda Rousey last week asking for a title match – and getting brutalized for her efforts – Brooke got her shot at Rousey on this show.

How’d it go, you ask? Not great, Bob.

It was reminiscent of Rousey’s run in the UFC, actually. Rousey had her game face on and quickly turned the fight into a tumble on the mat for control; and no one’s better on the ground than Rousey. Quick as a predator, Rousey had an armbar locked in and Brooke was forced to tap out. Michael Cole said that the match lasted 15 seconds, but that doesn’t factor in what Rousey did after the bell.

She wouldn’t break the hold. And as Brooke flailed and eventually started screaming for mercy, I found myself wincing along with her. My shoulders were up around my ears. Because despite any issues with Rousey’s promos or whatever else, she’s a killer in the ring.

Afterwards, she walked over to her husband for a kiss and (I’m assuming) words of encouragement. Security ran down far too late to do any good and put their hands on Rousey. Rousey decked one security guard and Browne obliterated another with a punch for grabbing his wife.

All of this made for a wonderful, albeit short spectacle. My only gripe is that WWE did nothing with this. There was no follow up – and perhaps that actually fits the story. Rousey claimed she could get away with whatever she wanted, right? Well, here’s our evidence.

I think this is actually a decent little wrinkle in the Triple Threat story, but probably needs some further context moving forward. A triple threat is generally No Disqualification. So what’s to stop Rousey from pushing some boundaries in this match? Hell, what if Browne gets involved?


Batista is wonderful

Batista was my favorite when I started watching WWE in the early 00s. I’m happy to say that not much has changed since.

His interview with Michael Cole was fantastic for several reasons. To start, Batista accused Triple H of being a jealous, petty man who uses people and surrounds himself with people that are better than him to bolster his own reputation. Whether that’s true or not, who knows – all I know is that those points have floated around the internet, oh, since forever.

He also had a major issue with Cole claiming that he quit…you know, despite doing exactly that. Naaaah, that was Triple H’s fault. Batista always loved the company, always wanted to do better by the fans. It’s that evil, vindictive Triple H’s fault for pushing him out.

I realize that I’m framing Batista as if he’s in the wrong, so let me go after Cole for a second. Michael Cole, the “well Triple H has always been nice to me” argument is so bad and shallow. Honestly, I’m of the opinion that in kayfabe these are two awful human beings who have massive egos and can’t coexist in the same space. And honestly? That’s perfectly fine by me; let’s fight.

One last thing – Batista’s acting chops, man. He started this interview as quiet and self-controlled as could be and by the end he’s shouting and spitting and ripping cords out of his ear. All because he had to talk about Triple H. Marvelous.


Aging sucks

Kurt Angle is going to have his final match in WWE in less than a month. That should feel like a monumental occasion, but this show didn’t exactly inspire hope. You see, we were told that Angle would get to choose his opponent for WrestleMania in Chicago. He chose Baron Corbin.

Yes. Baron Corbin.

And look, credit where credit’s due: choosing Baron Corbin makes all the storyline sense in the world. He schmoozed his way into Angle’s job and made Angle’s life miserable. From that perspective, I get it.

But good lord, man! Baron Corbin?!

And this isn’t an indictment of Corbin, necessarily. He’s done all he can to generate feelings of ill will from the crowd and I might even be willing to argue that he’s been more successful than Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley in that regard. It’s more an indictment of how crummy this entire storyline’s been since last summer/fall/whenever it began.

Raw was awful for a lot of reasons last year, and this storyline was one of the main reasons. And when Angle announced his decision, all the life was sucked out of the building. Later on the night when Corbin wrestled – and lost to Apollo Crews! – the crowd chanted “You’re not Cena!”

Well spotted, Chicago. And in the end, I expect them to be right. This…this can’t be the actual match, can it?

Can it?

I also need to mention Angle’s match since it’s what I’m referring to with this headline. Y’all, he found Chad Gable, a match that’s been mentioned online as a thing that should happen. And it was not good.

Gable was deliberately working slow in this match and it felt like anything he did with athleticism was too much for Angle to keep up with. He hit an awesome counter to Angle’s Angle Slam, but this match just didn’t click. That sucks. Old age and injuries suck.

This is just a really rough feud/match going into WrestleMania. I feel like I’m going to be cheering out of obligation more than actually being entertained.


The Rest

Braun Strowman and Finn Balor def. Bobby Lashley and Lio Rush – So what happened to no automatic rematches? Why isn’t Strowman getting the next Intercontinental Championship match after dominating Lashley so badly that the champion fled?

I guess the assumption would be that Strowman would rather fight in the Battle Royal, right? Lol.

Drew McIntyre def. Seth Rollins – Brock Lesnar showed up and did what Brock Lesnar does. Rollins attacked McIntyre with a chair to start the show and then got distracted by Lesnar at the end of the show and lost his match. Oops.

(Not really looking forward to Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre.)

Elias def. No Way Jose – Ah, Elias is the musical guest for WrestleMania! Fantastic! That means we’ll get a live cover of Greenlight from him, right?

Dragon! Dragon! Awake the Dragon! – Beth Phoenix was content to watch the women’s revolution from the sidelines until that pesky Samoan Slaughterhouse went and did mean things. Now? She’s ready to fight!

I’m joking, obviously, but Bayley displayed a bit of skepticism about Beth’s preparation for WrestleMania. And uhhhh Bayley have you seen Beth’s arms? She’s BEEN ready, lady. Do you think we could get Beth Phoenix to give Cageside her arm workout?

BY THE WAY LOOK HOW FUN THIS GETS ONCE NIA JAX AND TAMINA ARE OUT OF THE WAY OH WAIT THEY’RE BACK NEVERMIND.

Ricochet def. Jinder Mahal – Ricochet got a singles match and it went about how you’d expect. 630, baby.


I wasn’t really feeling this episode. The blunt truth is that there’s only two matches on the Raw side of the WrestleMania card that I’m actively looking forward to: the women’s triple threat and Batista vs. Triple H. WWE failed to get me excited for anything else with this show, either.

Rollins vs. Lesnar will be fun once the bell rings, so I guess you can make that three. The rest? Yikes, we’ve got some work to do and only two more episodes until the big one.

Grade: C-

Thoughts, Cageside?




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