WWE Raw results, recap, reactions (April 8, 2019): Here we go again

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WrestleMania was so cool because all the biggest fan favorites one. It gave me the feeling that maybe – just maybe – WWE was figuring out some things.

24 hours later…yeah, you can throw that idea in the trash.

And I don’t mean to be too critical! Really, I don’t! God knows Sami Zayn’s fuming already at my cynicism, but how on earth does WWE follow through with an idea that’s OBVIOUSLY going to let the fans revolt?

We had a really cool moment to open the Raw after WrestleMania. Seth Rollins was getting his “you deserve it!” chants from the crowd when the WWE Champion Kofi Kingston and the New Day crashed the party. Kofi wanted to do something special for the fans; therefore, he challenged Rollins to a Winner Takes All match to close the show. Rollins accepted.

Sounds awesome, right?

Now logically…no one was expecting a clean finish. Let’s establish that right now. If you’ve watched wrestling for any length of time, it would have been very surprising to see a clean finish to that match. You would agree, Cageside? I want to make that clear up front.

So if we know that, we need to make sure whoever interrupts does so in a way that’s exciting. It creates questions moving forward with the program and could even be enhanced by the uncertainty of the Superstar Shakeup next week. So who comes to mind? The Undisputed Era or another name from NXT. Perhaps a babyface star in a heel turn. Hell, I’d argue Lars Sullivan could have interrupted that match to great effect.

Nah. Let’s have The Bar interrupt the match early and turn it into a tag team match.

Stupid. So stupid. And if I give WWE the credit of intentionally going for that reaction….why? Why would you do that?

Here we go again, folks. Nothing changed, except for a few belts. “We’ll finish this later!” Gimme a break.


Rap is the devil

Kids, listen closely: don’t rap unless you want to summon a Deadman.

After falling at the hands of the Doctor of Thuganomics at WrestleMania, Elias was shown backstage about halfway through Raw lamenting his fortunes. Rap isn’t even that hard, he said! Hell, anyone could do it. And in the third hour, Elias went to the ring to prove just that.

It went well, to start. Elias got a few digs in at John Cena that might have been on par with the ones Cena had been dishing his way the previous night. But then? Well…Elias said the next person who interrupted him would be a dead man.

He’s a prophet! An all-seeing oracle! The third-eyed raven of WWE! Elias was interrupted with a gong and y’all…someone gif Elias’ reaction for me. Please?

The Undertaker was back, and we got all the gongs and whistles. Smoke, lightning, thunder, and all. At first, it seemed like Elias would make the intelligent move; he got one foot out of the ring as he wilted under Undertaker’s glare, but then he remembered all that talk about punishing people who interrupted him moving forward. He slunk back into the ring, and ate a boot, Chokeslam, and Tombstone Piledriver from Taker for his troubles.

Look, I don’t think this was meant to be anything other than some random fun on the Raw after WrestleMania – and that’s perfectly fine to me. I just want to point out what an awesome spot Elias has with WWE. He is a musical act with no competition, regularly gets massive reactions from the fans, and gets to have segments with folks like John Cena and Undertaker.

Walk with Elias, indeed.


See you in hell

What a return for Sami Zayn.

WWE was blindsided by some huge injuries in 2018, and I think we can probably place Zayn’s double rotator cuff situation near the top of the list. I mean, yeah, his feud with Bobby Lashley wasn’t any good – but who can say they’ve had a good Lashley feud up until his point?

Oh, my bad. Wouldn’t want to start critiquing or anything.

Zayn came back with a cheery disposition and asked for a match. He’d been on the shelf for nine months, after all, and he seemed a bit…odd as he made the request. Conflicted, perhaps. And after a brief delay, the Intercontinental Champion Finn Balor answered Zayn’s call.

Can we get a feud between these two, please? Like…right now. Please?

The match was extremely fun, as I’m sure you could have guessed. It was just incredibly pleasant to watch. This match wasn’t meant to tear the house down, but it was so well-wrestled and served the purpose of the segment: to establish Zayn as a heel once more.

And boy, he sure sounded like a certain individual on SmackDown, didn’t he? The people are at fault. They’re cynical and worthless – certainly not on Zayn’s level of intelligence and happiness. Let’s see what happens in the Superstar Shakeup.


The Rest

Punch like a lady – Becky Lynch came out and got the “you deserve it” treatment, but it didn’t get interesting until Lacey Evans made her nightly runway appearance. Except this time, she punched Becky Two Belts in the face. I’m totally fine with this. I imagine Evans will lose whatever feud comes of it, but this brawl was fun. She’d better bring her A game, though.

Ryder/Hawkins def. The Revival – I’d really love it if one of the McMahons gave a reason for why these sorts of matches happen. How did they justify giving the Revival a non-guaranteed rematch?

Anyway, someone’s supplying Hawkins with Felix Felicis or something. The luck will run dry, right?

Lars Sullivan debuts – Really liked Sullivan’s debut, but he’s a favorite of mine. Not sure why, either. He just clicks with me for some reason.

Corbin was out to gloat about putting Angle away, so Angle came out to embarrass Corbin and walk out on his own terms. After running Corbin off, though, Sullivan appeared and crushed Angle. He got some good heat for it, too. I think Sullivan has potential if put in the right situation, so we’ll see if that happens.

Alexa Bliss def. Bayley – Hey, Alexa’s wrestling again! Hey, Bayley’s still losing!

Ricochet and Aleister Black def. Chad Gable and Bobby Roode – The Glorious Guys were sporting a new mindset for this match, but still couldn’t defeat the NXT All-Star team of Black and Ricochet. Black had a scary moment where his ankle got rolled underneath Roode, but he seemed to be okay.

Dean Ambrose’s final night in WWE – This was really weird to me. Ambrose was supposed to fight Bobby Lashley, but Lashley mocked him by saying he’d make sure to “take care of [Ambrose’s] wife” when he leaves. It led to a brawl and non-match that eventually had Lashley putting Dean through a table. The crowd chanted “thank you Ambrose” as we got a quick close shot of him with Renee Young checking on him before they moved on with little fanfare.

I question everything about Ambrose right now. The way WWE’s handled his supposed release from the company is so odd and this was no different.

Shattered Mojo Rawley? – Uhh, you okay, Mojo (Jojo)?

What’s in the box? – A uh…dinosaur hand puppet? Bray Wyatt? That’s you, right?


Too much wrestling. Alex needs a break. Two claps and a Ric Flair on my behalf or something, please.

Grade: C+

Your turn.




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